i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
