It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
They took my balls.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
