i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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