the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
