Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
