Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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