this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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