Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
