Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
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you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
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Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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