All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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