I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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