The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
