friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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