So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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