My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
