p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
