Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
