It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
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I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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