i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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