I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
third nipple confirmed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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