You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
