I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
