I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
