i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
