I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
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I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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