I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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