careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you win again, gameday.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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