I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
