The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize