You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
