Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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