If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize