the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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