i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
