I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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