Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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