i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
