mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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