haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
