a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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