8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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