I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
