why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
