Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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