Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
