I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
