I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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