i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
