plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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