farters have to be the big spoon...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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