who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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