i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
