we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
