It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
