they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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