i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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