Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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