just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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