My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
