Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You are the jesus of drinking
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
