I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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