You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
