i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
