haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
