Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
